I used to write often. I kept a daily journal; I contributed to two blogs, and wrote for three of my own. I taught on a weekly basis, and essentially wrote the curriculum each week. I wrote stories for my kids. I wrote letters, and later emails, to various friends and family members.

The divorce ended my writing. There are a number of things that could account for it. I had to write a great deal about the issues in the divorce while it was going on, and that was very painful. My understanding of faith and religion changed a lot as a result of the experience, and I no longer feel comfortable writing (or talking) in the authoritative voice I used to use. As my personal life became increasingly painful, I found it hard to keep the humorous edge that characterized a great deal of my writings; it’s hard to be sarcastic when you’re crying.

As for the halt to my journaling, the best explanation is that I lost touch with whomever it was I had envisioned in my mind as the audience. I’m not quite sure who that was. Some of the entries in my journals read like prayers; others seem to be letters to my ex, or to my kids, or to myself. I’ve sat down a few times to try and journal again, but I always seem blocked by this.

It seems to me that there are a few things that I can write about at this time in my life. I can write about the events of my days, which is probably boring to ninety percent of the world, but is also a good way to exercise the “writing muscles” of my brain. I can write about my professional life as a software designer, which perhaps might find an audience. I can write to respond to the things people have said about me recently, which would probably start to sound like a shrill apologetic after a while. I can try to write fiction, something I’ve always wanted to do, but found myself too distracted to ever pull together.

I could, probably, also mine my journals for things I’ve written in the past, and post them with commentary. That might be too painful at this point, but it certainly would be an interesting exercise. Whether it would be healthy is another matter. When I’ve been able to bring myself to read those volumes (I’ve got journals that go back to the early 80’s,) I’ve found myself being very critical of those entries.

But the most helpful approach, I think, would be to write about how hard it is to write these days, in the hope that somehow it helps to exorcise whatever demons are involved in that block. To that end, I’m committing to posting at least once daily on this blog for the next thirty days, whatever it is that I can write on that particular day. In the interest of avoiding the whole “audience” issue, I’m not enabling comments on this site, but if you wish to interact, you can follow me on Facebook or Twitter, or drop me an email using one of the links on the main page.